Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
