Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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