If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
