You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize