next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
