god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The power of my boobs compel you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
