Kiss
Puke
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
