So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
