Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
