God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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