we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
