so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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