i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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