WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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