This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
