Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
