I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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