God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
