never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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