Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
