My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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