I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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