No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
