marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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