it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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