Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
