It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Success! We fucked roommates!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
