My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
