I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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