stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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