It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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