Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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