And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
