Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
