I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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