I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
grandma shit on top of the toilet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
