So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
