I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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