i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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