Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
