Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
