I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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