He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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