I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
