I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
