I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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