i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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