New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
