what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
