Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
