My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
