just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
