if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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