Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
