Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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