They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
