Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
