dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
