Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
