I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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