Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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