Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
