The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
