you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
