So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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