So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
