He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
