Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
