End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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