Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
