dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
