If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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