Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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