Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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