you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
