So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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