like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
